A Post In Dot Points

Hey Mel, way to neglect your poor fledgling blog. I have been exceptionally slack with my posting of late, but I shall endeavour to update more regularly. It's funny, I always have so much that I think 'I've gotta blog about that' and then when I actually sit down in front of the computer I think 'actually, that's probably not funny/interesting to anybody except me'. But now I think 'fuck it, most blogs aren't funny or interesting anyway'. Except of course, all the blogs I read. So on with the post:

• You might remember that I reluctantly joined MySpace a while back? Now I've also become one of the schmucks on Facebook. It's ok though, Facebook is cool. By far the best thing about it is the unexpectedly awesome groups you can join. Some of the groups I rushed to join include 'The Big Mazungo is a complete SAVAGE', 'Good grammar is hot', Where I come from, we believe in a thing called "The Courtesy Wave"', and my personal favourite, the obscenely politically incorrect 'The dolphin from Seaquest DSV told Jonathon Brandis to do it'. Oh Darwin, you were an evil, evil beast.

• I've finally found a new place to live in, unfortunately I will be sharing with three other girls. This has me slightly concerned, as I grew up with brothers and have never lived with more than one other female at a time. I'm hoping that my unhealthy obsession with cricket won't have me labeled as the 'house lesbian' and cause everyone to shift awkwardly whenever I sit next to them on the couch. And I should probably give up my penchant for wrestling in spilled condiments on the kitchen floor. It's becoming increasingly obvious that others don't enjoy it anywhere near as much as I do.

• Of course, I am not a lesbian, I'm a red-blooded woman who is very attracted to men. But recently when offered the chance to have a threesome with two guys that I have known since high school I was quite turned off. Partly it's because I've always thought threesomes involving 2 guys were strange (are they going to touch each other? are they secretly gay and just wanted to get naked together in a more acceptable situation?) but also because these two guys are both very well endowed and the thought of those two penises coming at me from all angles was slightly frightening. Needless to say, I went home by myself that night.
  

• Have you ever wondered what the stuff inside a glow stick tastes like? Neither have I but after an unfortunate mishap at work, where I displayed the true depths of my idiocy, I now know that it takes quite disgusting and will turn your saliva neon orange (or whatever colour the glow stick you bite happens to be). For several minutes I panicked and wondered if I could the chemicals inside would slowly seep into my body and leave me dead by morning, but you'll be happy to know that despite a red face and an unenviable reputation as 'the girl who eats glow sticks' I am perfectly fine.

• I'm far more proud of my reputation as Grammar Nazi though. I've always been a stickler for grammar and pronunciation but lately I have taken it to extremes. I interrupted a friend in the middle of him explaining the details of his break-up (yes, another freaking break-up) to let him know that he should have said 'Louisa and I' not 'Louisa and me'. Insensitive, much? But somebody has to do it. The English language is being raped left, right and center, and nobody seems concerned at all. Don't even get me started on the prevalence of the word 'random'. *shudder* Anytime someone can't be fucked searching the recesses of their mind for an appropriate adjective they just use 'random'. That word doesn't actually convey any emotion or description, you're not giving me any details people! I'm thinking about carrying a little pocket thesaurus in my handbag to thrust in people's faces whenever they seem to be having trouble. It might not win me a lot of friends but at least I'll be happy. (Note: use of random as a noun is perfectly fine eg. pashed a random, caught venereal disease from a random etc.)

• Under the heading of 'stupidest decisions I've ever made' I've committed myself to training for, and completing, a freaking marathon. I don't know what possessed me to set a goal like that, I don't normally set goals at all let alone ones that could leave me in hospital on a drip for several days. It's not completely out of the blue, I do run, and I recently completed a 15km race with little trouble. So, stupidly I decided I could run almost 3 times that far.... and then told all my friends and family that I wanted to do a marathon. And once it's been said, there's no backing out. But I've decided that when I finish it, I'm rewarding myself with a tattoo. I've considered getting one for ages but wanted it to represent something I went through, either an achievement or a loss, so that it's more than just a tramp stamp. But yes, expect updates on the training and please give me moral support, I need all the helpful words I can get.

Ok, that was longer than I had anticipated for my 'comeback' post (I'm so John Farnhamesque) but at least it got the ball rolling. I have some major bitching that I can't do in real life, so stay tuned for that, probably over the weekend.